The doors of hell open and an army of greedy inconsiderate beings storms the subways territory. An epic battle for honor and square centimeters enfolds in its whole brutality, regardless of any causalities or consequences.
A daily scene at 6.30PM, to be observed at any subway station in and around Singapore’s city districts.
Today I decided to write the last episode of my “Singapores Real Zoo – MRTS Unexplored Species” guide, and to bring the whole series to a dignified end, I saved the best for the last.
I simply call todays species… The Annoying Mass
The Annoying Mass
Latest since the “Hello Kitty” species brought a never seen before hype and collectors madness over the Singaporean territories in the year of 2000, everybody is familiar with the singlish word “Kiasu-ness” or translated into Ang Moh terms, greedy and scared to lose.
Our todays topic, the subways species “Annoying Mass” is the momentary latest evolution and king in the food chain of Kiasu-Ness. A whole species based on the principle of greediness and driven forward by the urge of always having to be the first and best one.
There is not much more to say then, that of all the discussed species of our “Singapores Real Zoo – MRTs Unexplored Species” series, “The Annoying Mass” is the most dangerous and indeed annoying one.
Together We Are Strong Annoying
When analyzing this species of evil deeds, we have to ask ourselves if we consider “The Annoying Mass” as one life form, or a group of many individuals.
Although it is some fews individuals actions that actually creates the Annoying Mass momentum that leads to the final evolution to the one species, I see more reasons to define The Annoying Mass as one life form.
The Annoying Mass acts as one, moves as one and spreads through the subways like one big cancer blain, spreading through a poor persons body. Much like a virus, the ultimate MRT bacillus.
Group Psychology And Yellow Lines
The Singaporean building authorities, responsible for the subway system, must have expected a future raise and wave of Kiasu ridden people. And anticipating an inconsiderate group movement like the Annoying Mass, they created signs to lead that uncontrollable species.
Those signs are placed in front of EVERY subways alighting point, to lead the two clashing titans, the people leaving the MRTs territory and the people trapped in the Annoying Mass, clear and without hesitation along each other.
However, the Annoying Mass is lagging the intelligence to recognize those given signs, which makes the concept of the yellow lines useless.
Blind Of Greed
The Annoying Mass usually gathers in front of the alighting doors ready to storm the subways inner territory regardless of any causalities.
The Annoying Mass has no understanding, feeling and social competence to understand the general concept of how a subway system works. People Alight First – People Get On The Train After.
The Annoying Mass usually starts to form, when one kiasu person is placing himself in front of the subway door instead next to the yellow lines, indicating to the more intelligent people where to wait. As soon as this happens, the other kiasu people cannot accept to get on the subways territory later then this first kiasu person and will try to get into another, better, position, and soon, there is no space left for anyone to get off the train.
Spiky Elbows – Your Weapon
Standing on the inside of the train and arriving at your station while you can already see the Annoying Mass, drooling for the blood of the other species, lets me feel like being in one of the epic battles of “Lord Of the Rings”.
Me against the Orcs. And what do you need in an epic battle. Right, weapons. And here your elbows become your golden sword and your voice the silver shield to defeat that enemy, the Annoying Mass.
When the door opens you can give the Annoying Mass a split second trying to attempt boarding the train, and then… just raise your voice and say “Can I Please ALIGHT THE TRAIN FIRST!!!”, getting increasingly louder to the end.
If that does not help, flex your body muscles to become one solid rock and stand high in the storm front of the Annoying Mass. By now you don’t have to hesitate pushing and fighting your way out. They don’t care for you? You don’t care for them!
In days of extreme “Annoying Masses” you can see me, getting of the train, and pushing 5 to 10 kiasu people in front of me, until they give space… Its a good morning workout, and the stares of “Annoying Mass Individuals”, that cannot belive one is standing up against their strong force… are priceless as well.
by an Asia experienced 26 year young expat living and surviving in Singapore since years!
Discovering new interesting and strange things everyday, he provides guides, news and tips for how to survive Singapore and how to best prepare for it.
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5 Comments for this post
Feb 21, 2009 at 1:04 am
God, this is the worst species. I’ve been on undergrounds in London, Prague, DC, Seattle, Sydney, Paris, Rome, Bangkok, Chile, Copenhagen, Malmo and NYC – and never have I met people so anxious to get on a stupid train than in Singapore.
Jun 25, 2009 at 6:19 pm
I really applaud your efforts to chronicle the madness on this island. I’ve been here for 2 years and I still cannot understand why they do what they do and what made them this way.
Jul 17, 2009 at 5:11 pm
these people annoy me the most also. considerate people queue up to the left and right of the exit; wheras some “obviously more superior” (usually an aunty) will plonk herself right in front of the doors; ignorant of the queue; as well as the incoming alighting passengers. *this is especially annoying during peak hrs; when you have already had to wait because the last train was full…
I have an idea; perhaps stand tight in front/ behind her and take her photo with a flash. this will draw attention to her in 2 ways ; A: as a red haired caucasian people will be staring at me anyway B: the flash will jerk everyone out of thier semi comotosed subway states to all stare at her….. hence.. activating the”starers” you mentioned earlier. result : she will feel shame; no one likes that in this culture….if i do it; shall i post a pic?????
Jul 20, 2009 at 11:44 am
oh yes! do post pic!
This is hilarious but sadly true.
Aug 27, 2009 at 6:47 pm
you forgot the “pretend to sleep-so they dont have to give their seats to elderly” type
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