How I Survived Being Stuck In The Singapore Flyer

Yesterday afternoon at 4.30PM, Singapore had to suffer from the second painful defeat within three days. This time it wasn’t a Vietnamese lion tamer putting a tranquilizer dart straight in to Singapore’s Soccer heart, this time it was a little technical bug eating himself through the proud of Singapore’s latest skyline addition, the largest and… Read more »

Yesterday afternoon at 4.30PM, Singapore had to suffer from the second painful defeat within three days.

This time it wasn’t a Vietnamese lion tamer putting a tranquilizer dart straight in to Singapore’s Soccer heart, this time it was a little technical bug eating himself through the proud of Singapore’s latest skyline addition, the largest and not moving Singapore Flyer.
(Read: How A Soccer Game Changed The Way I See Singaporeans)

Singapore Flyer
Photo by DESMONDWYSON

So what can you do being trapped with people you dont know or like, in a little cabin, dangling 150 meters above ground, with no toilette or hawker center around the corner? Here is Angry Ang Mo’s personal survival guide.

1. Take a look around

And then realize that there are far too many buildings and condos, to justify the high and still increasing rental prices. What the hell?
Then realize that the new “Integrated Resort” at Marina Bay, will block the nice view to the ocean and beyond (you are enjoying right now for a couple of more hours) once opened.
And lastly realize that the strange balls currently floating in the Marina harbor are just another waste of money, looking ugly and if supposed to form some kind of shape…don’t work at all.

2. Enjoy Your Free Dating Course

…and learn how to socialize. I know they are there and actually a lot of people attend them on a regular basis.
I see them every weekend in the ECP, doing some crazy, totally exciting (cough cough) “games”. The governments programs to speed up the population increase…dating games.

This is your chance, pick the lady/man of your choice and just go for it. If your first attempt fails with some wrongly picked or interpreted pickup line…you just hit the jackpot. Until the Wheel starts turning again you have unlimited free attends of trying how to charm yourself into another persons heart.

Singapore FlyerPhoto by Alex Steffler

3. Discuss problems you usually run away from

“Husband, why are you always looking at those nasty girls backsides?”, “Wife, why do you always talk when i try to concentrate on the Arsenal – Manchester game?”

Its time to clean out your closet. Make a fresh start. Vacate the house. Talk about all the problems you usually dont discuss since now is the time that neither of you can run away, just slamming a door behind you.

And as a bonus, you get free support from a capsular full of hobby psychologists.

4. Get The Real Life Abstinence Program

Yes, i read the recent comments about the sexual education program and their main pillar, the preaching of total “abstinence” until marriage. And i wont comment on it here since this is worth at least two single other posts.

But, you get the chance for a first hand experience in living abstinence regarding food and well…your “need to answer the call of nature“, as it TODAYs newspaper put it. Its the perfect time to execute your long learned Yoga positions and stay in a deep state of mediation until someone passes you the half filled plastic bottle.

Singapore FlyerPhoto by yummiec00kies

5. Experience a Maid / Foreign Workers Living Situation

Although i never actually visited a foreign workers living community or staid in a maids room for longer then 2 minutes, i believe, and I’m afraid, their actual “private” living conditions are even much worth then what you are just going through. And they certainly come with a much lousier view.

So how does it feel to spend some time in a small narrow sticky room with plenty of other people just giving you enough room to breath?

6. Explain Ang Mohs Like Me The Secret Of Mahjong

Yeah, please. All I do is Blackjack and Poker and I’m graving to understand this game I hear so much about.

Im sure some gamble addicted person in the cabin has a small “pocket set” of Mahjong with him and is able to give a deep inside introduction to the mysteries of Mahjong.

And later, there will be even enough time to finish one or two rounds of playing since we are stuck here in anyway.

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